In short, you’re angry because you don’t talk about why you’re angry.
What is Anger?
It’s hard to define but you know when you feel it. My favorite definition is that anger is a strong, passionate desire to restore a situation to the way we think it should be.
What Causes Anger?
Everything that makes you angry can be distilled into one or both of the following causes:
“My needs aren’t being met.” If you have a need for respect and someone pies you in the face in public, you’re probably getting angry. If you have a need for sex in your relationship and your partner isn’t attracted to you, you’re probably getting angry. If you have a need for a promotion and your boss demotes you, you’re probably getting angry. Angry plus irritable, annoyed, frustrated, or any other emotion that typically accompanies anger.
Shame. Something you did made me disapprove of myself. I can’t tolerate that, so I’m redirecting it back onto you.
The problem isn’t that you’re angry. Anger is a healthy, necessary, and important emotion. The problem is why you’re angry. I’ve heard many clients say they’re constantly angry, and I always reply with a simple question:
“What’s making you angry?”
My clients will usually rattle off a bunch of stressors related to everyday problems, like work, friends, money, and relationships. When I ask them to explore more deeply, they’ll often reveal issues with their families of origin that have been present most of their lives. “My mother hit me.” “Dad wasn’t around.” “My sister picked on me and my parents didn’t stop her.” Deeper stuff.
How to Deal With Anger
First off, stop labeling your anger as “a problem.” Anger isn’t a problem. Like all the emotions on this wheel, anger is a normal part of being a person. You have a right to your anger. Anger is an inevitable fact of life.
Second, stop avoiding your anger. If something makes you angry, say, “I feel angry.” When we choose not to express anger, the anger invariably gets “bottled up” until the internal pressure becomes unbearable and we explode. Don’t do that to yourself.
Start Working with An Anger Management Therapist in Des Plaines, IL
Take control of your anger and gain deeper insight into your emotions. Start working with an anger management therapist in Des Plaines, IL, and discover healthier ways to express and manage your feelings. You can reach out to start your therapy journey with Shapiro Psych by following these simple steps:
Reach out today using our contact form for support!
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Additional Therapy Services at Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC
Teaching new coping skills for managing anger is not the only services I offered with Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC, I provide a range of therapy services to support you in various aspects of your life. Alongside self-esteem and confidence building, I offer specialized therapy for anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and more. With a wealth of experience and specialized training in diverse therapeutic approaches, I can tailor my services to meet your unique needs. Let's work together to address your challenges and pave the way toward a happier, more fulfilling life. Reach out today to begin your journey.
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