As human beings, we're hard-wired to seek connection with others. We've survived as a species because community formation increases our chances of physical protection and access to resources. Emotional attachment is one of many processes that bind people together. In our modern context, emotional attachments can be romantic, familial, or social. Behavioral patterns that occur in the context of emotional attachment are heavily influenced by attachment style.
What Are Attachment Styles?
In the 1950s, British psychologist John Bowlby first theorized the importance of attachment style based on his work with parents and infants. He suggested that the bonds we form with our caregivers influence how we experience relationships in adulthood. Bowlby categorized his theory of attachment into four general types, each describing how people experience intimacy, closeness, and dependence in relationships. The four types are:
Secure Attachment
Anxious Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Disorganized Attachment
Secure Attachment
People with secure attachment are generally comfortable with intimacy, able to trust, supportive, and communicative. They're confident about maintaining stable relationships and trust that their partners will support them. They're more likely to have been raised by responsive, consistent, and emotionally available parents who modeled trust and safety in relationships. Securely attached people are generally able to balance emotional intimacy with autonomy and provide support to others when needed.
Anxious Attachment
People with anxious attachment are more likely to have been raised by parents who were loving and available at times and neglectful at others, often without warning. As a result, they're often highly sensitive to the moods and reactions of others, afraid of abandonment, and in need of frequent reassurance and validation from their partners. They might seem clingy, overly dependent, or anxious if their partner seems distant or unavailable.
Avoidant Attachment
People with avoidant attachment are generally raised by emotionally distant or unresponsive parents. They've learned to survive by becoming self-sufficient and often dislike trusting or relying on others for emotional validation. Closeness often feels overwhelming, and they typically withdraw in response. They're known to push partners away when relationships get too intense, downplay their feelings, and avoid showing emotional vulnerability. They often seem detached or cold.
Disorganized Attachment
People with disorganized attachment are more likely to come from traumatic, abusive upbringings with parents who both provided comfort and created fear. They simultaneously desire and fear emotional intimacy. They can seem confused or emotionally chaotic in relationships. They cling to partners one moment and push them away the next. They have trouble regulating intense emotions and behaviors.
Attachment resources
If you're interested in learning more about attachment styles, how they develop, and how to heal attachment wounds, check out these videos:
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Understanding your attachment style is a powerful step toward improving your relationships and emotional well-being. Whether you identify as secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, there is hope for growth and healing. If you're ready to explore your attachment patterns and build healthier, more fulfilling connections, our team of caring therapists can provide the guidance and support you need. Start your therapy journey with Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC by following these simple steps:
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